In plain Inglish

"English is a phunny language," said Mr Big B in a movie long ago. But 'phunnier' is how the language has been customized to suit the multitude of Indians, is it not? I'm sure we have all come across various instances of the language and its spellings being tweaked, twisted, and turned upside down, to hilarious effect sometimes - well, most of the times.

These could be through literal translations from Hindi, such as these:
- "They are given one one page" ("Sabko ek-ek page diya jaata hai" So very Indian no?)
- "I am mad behind her" (What the ...!)
- "I have good news for you, imagine?" (Yeah, I really can't imagine you having good news for me! Did u mean 'guess' by the way?)

These are closely followed by commonly used grammar scares such as "Where he is?" and "Did you got your role here?"

Wrong usages only add to the whole act. This time, I am listing a few of them down. These comprise just a few of the recent ones that I have come across and none of them (including the ones above) are made up - I swear! I'm sure there are tonnes around, if you just keep looking out for them. Before I start, let me add that this does not mean that I am an expert in English, and neither am I mocking at those who are 'behind the lines'. But hey, what is wrong with some humor, especially during these trying times, as long as you are not laughing at the people but at the joke?

1. I am vacated - my own decision (Overheard a mentor telling a young boy. The mentor was helping him write an application to move out of the hostel. Hope someone managed to correct it finally!)

2. No urien passing this area (Ah - see, I told you there was no 'urien' passing this area!)

3. Always be worry for ABC packers (What a pleasant change from packers and movers who are often a worry for us!)

4. Rent for house (Reversal of fortunes? Didn't we have houses for/on rent sometime ago?)

5. Beutycion and hair take classes also (Well, I am confused about what this salon does, but I guess I'll give it a miss!)

6. Clearns sale (Rush! a, c and e have already been cleared!)

So much for Inglish :) I guess it is all about perception and usage. You never know, wrong usages might make an entry into the language – like how prepone is now acceptable (read more on wordsmith.org), by popular vote. It's still not in Merriam Webster or Oxford English dictionaries, but maybe it will find its place there one day. Let us keep watching!

Tailpiece: I’d like to end this post with an incident my colleague told me about. A guy from another team was speaking to a person in the United States. It's their first meeting, the Indian guy has a long name with his entire family making an appearance on it, and the US person is struggling to get it right. Finally our guy spells it out, A for Apple, P for Paris, and so on. On reaching D, he says "D for Doordarshan" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If the guy in the US has fallen off his chair, my colleague is not seeing it, coz she is laughing her head off and trying to breathe thorough all that muffling. What happened finally? After 3 to 4 failed attempts our guy said "D for Dog?" much to everyone's relief!

Cheers!

PS: Names have been changed to protect me from their wrath.

The name game

The movie Billu is releasing today. The name Billu Barber was recently changed to Billu after protests from barbers on ‘hurting their sentiments’. What? How did it ever hurt their sentiments? The movie is just called Billu Barber – it does not say anything derogatory about barbers, does it? In fact, Billu is perhaps one of the most noble characters in Bollywood’s history (I have watched the original Malayalam version, so I can tell you that). But he just cannot be called barber - strange!

Many years ago, in Kerala there was a protest against a movie Ponmuttayidunna Thattan. I do believe it should have been taken in the figurative meaning in a sporty way, but this was still justified in the sense that it literally meant “the goldsmith who lays golden eggs” and was changed to the Malayalam equivalent of “the goose that lays golden eggs”. I think these days people go a bit too far when protesting against seemingly simple issues, and I am not talking about movie names alone. Probably it is just a minority who does this, the majority of the population might not even have bothered. Perhaps it is because these days there is a lot of media intrusion into lives, and every simple thing becomes “breaking news” because there is so much of competition in the media. So whatever you say is heard, and well, all have a voice.

I was wondering who all could have raised objections against movie names, and came up with this list. Please note: this is in no way intended to hurt the sentiments of anyone. It is in pure jest, and I do not plan to change the name of my blog. Those who cannot see the lighter side of the world may please stop reading at this point.

Jai Veeru (2009)
Objection raised by: Sachin Tendulkar
Sound bite: “There are many cricketers who must be honoured before Virender Sehwag”

Aasma (2009)
Objection raised by: Indian council of medical research
Sound bite:”It hurts the sentiments of all asthmatics to name a movie like this that reminds them of their condition”

Love 86 (1986)
Objection raised by: The moral police
Sound bite: “According to ‘Indian tradition’, you must love only 1”

Mr Ya Miss (2005)
Objection raised by: Doosri Radha
Sound bite:”It is a direct insult on me. But more than that Antara Mali directing it and acting in it is more of an insult on the viewers’ intelligence”

Strings - Bound By Faith (2006)
Objection raised by: Mallika Sherawat
Sound bite: “Though it doesn’t look like it from my clothes, there is more than faith that binds the strings”

Mudda - The Issue (2003)
Objection raised by: Ragi farmers in Karnataka
Sound bite:”Mudde is one of the most healthy foods, it is improper to call it an issue”

Oonche Log (1985)
Objection raised by: A section of vertically challenged people
Sound bite: ”You cannot be partial to their interests alone”

Bachke Rehna Re Baba (2005)
Objection raised by: Baba Sehgal
Sound bite: ”That is a warning. It is absolutely not acceptable especially since I have not even brought out an album for so long!

Hum Hain Kamal Ke (1993)
Objection raised by: Sarika
Sound bite: ”It is clearly sexist, and now that I am divorced from Kamal, it is particularly wrong”

Kishen Kanhaiya (1990)
Objection raised by: Ravi Kishen (Big Boss contestant and Bhojpuri superstar)
Sound bite:”Mere baap pe kyon jaate ho?”

And finally,
Lal Badshah (1999)
Objection raised by: Mohanlal
Sound bite: “I am neither Shah not bad.”